Hey again! Been a long time not writing here. I didn't find time, or I guess I didn't make one. I guess you might think, "why does she always come up in such a bad mood?" hahaha. I know. Yes, because maybe in this kind of state I have the mood to write and maybe because I need someone or something to talk. The problem is usually my feeling is mixed up. I'm just overwhelmed. I kinda have this unclear feeling. Getting sad and depressed because of unknown factor.
This week, well after the HSBP exam has finished, I lost my energy. I lost my mood for unknown cause. I don't understand. Seriously. I became extremely lazy, even for getting out of bed. I lost my spirit to study. I prefer locking up myself at my room than showing up. I think I need some time alone. I love being alone actually, but on the other hand I also need friends. I hate being lonely, but I love being alone. Complicated, eh? Duh! That's me. A complicated individual.
Yesterday, I was so hopeless. I had no energy to move myself. To actually enjoy myself. I procrastinated everything. Sat lazily. Did nothing. How unproductive I was! And I regretted how much time I wasted. Today, as well, I didn't find myself concentrating during lecture session at campus. I didn't have any energy. I found myself terribly egoist somehow. I did nothing valuable. That made everything worse. I kinda hated myself for not being high-spirited.
The thing that enlightened my almost-over-day was talking with my dad via telephone. Oh God, can't say how much I miss him! Usually we only have short conversation on the phone for only 2-5 minutes a day. Well, today I had for more than an hour. I told him about how I felt, how I was terribly homesick, what I learned, etc etc. That was the longest conversation I ever did with my dad since I was in Bali. I miss him so muuuuuuuch! :'
Dad commented that I was in some kind of mild state depression. That could possibly be the cause of my bad mood and not energetic self. I often lost my concentration this week. He gave me some advices to get over it. I was some kind of relieved. Dad knows me well, just like my bro. We kinda share the same thought and opinion, though in some cases we might have different thoughts. That could be the cause why I easily make conversation with guys.
Hmmm well, tomorrow morning I gotta get up early. Got things to do. On the rest hours of the day, well I guess I'll read something. Get over the stress, pray, and get ready for the bright tomorrow. I hope enough rest will help me restore my energy for tomorrow. Anyway I hope I pass the last exam with a good grade. I wanna be a great doctor. I think I gotta be more serious in studying.
Well that's all I can share today. I know it's not important but it helps making me feel relieved. I hope tomorrow I'll be better. God bless me! Amen
Love,
xxx
Comments
Post a Comment