Big Loss

Hello there! Been so long not writing. I wrote before that I came to write whenever I felt sad, terrible, or well, not in the mood. For me, it's kinda tough. You know, what? I haven't told you yet that I already bought the ticket to go to UK finally this August since a month ago. How can't it be good? The flight will be on August 2nd, 2013. I was so so so excited to go there. You know, I've waited long enough for this to happen. Five years is not short. How could you possibly be unhappy if you were me? No right?!

The aims of going there, apart from sight-seeing, was supposed to be visiting my relatives. My uncle, aunt and their children. Family visit, in short. How can't you be so excited about that? The departure is less than two weeks by now. I've been longing to go there, going to new places with them. I haven't met my uncle yet. I was supposed to have the chance meeting him.

Yesterday morning, when I woke up, my phone rang. I saw the name on the screen. It was my dad's number. When I answered it, my mum's voice came from it. She talked in such a weird way at first. I thought that way since I just woke up. Felt a bit dizzy and sleepy. She said that she had some kind of weird dream. She has some kind of premonition through dreams. Well, that's not the point. Then she continued. She asked whether I was still lying in bed. She said she had to deliver bad news. And then she said that my dear uncle in UK had passed away.

I was shocked. I was suddenly wide awake. It was an unexpected news. My mum told me he had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. Oh my God! I cried the whole morning. Can't stop mourning till now while I'm writing this. It's such a big loss for me. I know my aunt has bigger loss. It just feels unfair for me. My mum, dad, and brother had met him in person. They told me he was a very kind person. A gentleman. A great man. How can't I be so upset?

I'm like the only one in the family who has the most desire to go to UK. To meet them all. The departure should have been last year. But couldn't make it since I had to go to university. I've been planning this upcoming journey since February. Pray every single day that I can go to UK at last. And it feels, once again, unfair. The departure is less than 2 weeks. Please, at least wait till I could meet you. Talk to you in person. Know you.

It feels out of place somehow if I go there as scheduled. My aunt is still in her grief. I called her yesterday's noon and her voice sounds very heartbreaking. No spirit. Extremely tired. I pray for my uncle to be placed with God in heaven. Good people die young, they said. I hope it's true since he's such a good man. I also pray for my aunt to stay strong and can learn to live without him. Hopefully, my arrival won't disturb them. I'd like to visit his funeral. I'd like to listen who he was. How good he was.

That's what I can share right now. We never know and expect things to go as we imagined, but you know, God has a bigger plan. I'll just try to learn and accept this.

God bless

Love

xxx